The Fox and the Turkey

Well, it happened. The pointless remake of that luminous classic, “The Day the Earth Stood Still’ I mentioned recently debuted today [Or should that 'escaped'?] and early reviewers report it’s an even more monstrous turkey than survivors of the previews led us to believe.

Any remake is an onanistic exercise in creative and intellectual bankruptcy, but already being pretentiously referred to by Fox as ‘a reimagining’ of the 1951 original this risible re-tread is a shameless, avarice-fueled evisceration of both the overall plot and the unquestioned esteem in which the original [well done] version is rightly and universally held.

And the critics have been remarkably kind: So far, they only hate one part of the movie – The segment between the opening titles and the closing credits. While you have to admire the courage and stamina that enables them to endure some of the turgid creations they’re contractually obliged to review [like this one!], as a rule I dislike critics. If they know with such omniscient clarity how to make a good movie, how come they’re not all Directors?

While it cannot be questioned that this unwelcome, discordant, CG-infested fiasco is a train-wreck, looking for somewhere to happen, my biggest regret is that the tiny percentage of meaningful plot that Fox didn’t defile doesn’t depict any modern technology, If it did, the cranial anorexics who green-lit this disaster could be packed in that spaceship and blasted to Mars, and we could finally look forward to an era of films that are not greed-driven insults like this one.

Michael J. Austin,
The Loquacious Limey,

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